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tomsmith here
Here goes
A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset.
"You are a Disrespectful Pig!" she Cried.
"How dare you do this to me - a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!"
The Husband calmly replied, "Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened."
"Fine, go ahead", the Wife Sobbed, "but they will be the last Words you say to me!"
The Husband Began:
"Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the Car."
"She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days."
"Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously."
"She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away."
"I gave her the Designer Jeans that you've had for a Few Years, but don't Wear because you say they are too Tight."
"I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don't Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste."
"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don't Wear just to annoy her. "
"I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don't Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."
The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued:
"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, "Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn't use?""
tomsmith (Cavan) - Posts: 3947 - 04/07/2024 00:32:05
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Replying To tomsmith: "tomsmith here
Here goes
A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset.
"You are a Disrespectful Pig!" she Cried.
"How dare you do this to me - a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!"
The Husband calmly replied, "Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened."
"Fine, go ahead", the Wife Sobbed, "but they will be the last Words you say to me!"
The Husband Began:
"Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the Car."
"She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days."
"Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously."
"She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away."
"I gave her the Designer Jeans that you've had for a Few Years, but don't Wear because you say they are too Tight."
"I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don't Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste."
"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don't Wear just to annoy her. "
"I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don't Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."
The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued:
"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, "Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn't use?""" Holy moly Tom! I just Hope that lunatic who just introduced to cut and paste realises what he's done!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 247 - 05/07/2024 20:47:14
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Holy moly Tom! I just Hope that lunatic who just introduced to cut and paste realises what he's done!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 220 - 05/07/2024 20:47:14
Tomsmith here
A light-hearted Saturday evening wind down Joke would be the #
Poor Dubs returning from Croke Park last Saturday evening thinking
that all the had to do is turn up to bate Galway ... ought how sad a
sight to see all them cocky faced Dubs walk down Clonliffe Road after full time ..
tomsmith (Cavan) - Posts: 3947 - 06/07/2024 20:07:27
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Replying To tomsmith: "Holy moly Tom! I just Hope that lunatic who just introduced to cut and paste realises what he's done!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 220 - 05/07/2024 20:47:14
Tomsmith here
A light-hearted Saturday evening wind down Joke would be the #
Poor Dubs returning from Croke Park last Saturday evening thinking
that all the had to do is turn up to bate Galway ... ought how sad a
sight to see all them cocky faced Dubs walk down Clonliffe Road after full time .." Fair play Tom! You got me there! You're spot on! As I rambled up Clonliffe road last Saturday evening I was just thinking after 9 all irelands in the previous 13 years all I could think off was Tomsmith is going to love this!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 247 - 06/07/2024 22:10:52
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Replying To Onion_Sack: "Fair play Tom! You got me there! You're spot on! As I rambled up Clonliffe road last Saturday evening I was just thinking after 9 all irelands in the previous 13 years all I could think off was Tomsmith is going to love this!" Fair play Tom! You got me there! You're spot on! As I rambled up Clonliffe road last Saturday evening I was just thinking after 9 all irelands in the previous 13 years all I could think off was Tomsmith is going to love this!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 221
Tomsmith here .
Onion Sacks ( ough what a horrible handle nearly as bad as Killing fields Limerick ) I did enjoy the game but my enjoyment was tempered with panic until I got the windshield inspection done to see was the dreaded man about .
But back to the game it was enjoyable and sure the fact that a whole raft of County Dublin players ( yes pick from 1.5 Million people) didn't perform or deliver was source of joy to a lot of non Dublin people .
But
tomsmith (Cavan) - Posts: 3947 - 07/07/2024 12:00:16
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Replying To tomsmith: "Fair play Tom! You got me there! You're spot on! As I rambled up Clonliffe road last Saturday evening I was just thinking after 9 all irelands in the previous 13 years all I could think off was Tomsmith is going to love this!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 221
Tomsmith here .
Onion Sacks ( ough what a horrible handle nearly as bad as Killing fields Limerick ) I did enjoy the game but my enjoyment was tempered with panic until I got the windshield inspection done to see was the dreaded man about .
But back to the game it was enjoyable and sure the fact that a whole raft of County Dublin players ( yes pick from 1.5 Million people) didn't perform or deliver was source of joy to a lot of non Dublin people .
But" Well now Tom! Youve no idea what the onion sack is/was? Another chink in your armour! More fool me engaging with you!
Onion_Sack (Dublin) - Posts: 247 - 08/07/2024 21:46:02
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Tomsmith here
I take s a good sorry a great man to crack a joke about his own County here goes .
Poor Mrs JaneDoe passed away to her eternal rest and Mr JohnDoe decided decided to place an add in the local newspaper in Cavan (This was before internet)
The Editor quoted him Two Pounds per word, So John said , I will keep it short
Jane Doe has Died agh here says the Editor I have a minimum charge of Twenty Pounds .
Agh poor John though and then said Ok it will read like this
JaneDoe died today burial Friday , Good quality Hay for sale.
tomsmith (Cavan) - Posts: 3947 - 09/07/2024 19:16:07
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Tomsmith here
An old farmer from Cavan drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door.
A Gausan , about 9, opened the door.
The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"
The Gausan replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to a Gaa game."
The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"
The Gausan said, "No sir, she went to the Game with Dad."
The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
The Gausan said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The Farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
The Gausan said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the Farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Mary Ann pregnant."
The wee Gausan thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the Boar but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
tomsmith (Cavan) - Posts: 3947 - 11/07/2024 23:37:43
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